“The process of watching other people doing nothing(travelling,eating,humble bragging)made me realize I was literally deep attached to what was happening to other people.I took posting pictures that made it looks as if I am working.In these photos there was some kind of performance happening like a photo of my desk,or a selfie in a practice room.”Like Adam Gordon in Ben Lerner’s”Leaving the Atocha Station”,who consciously doesn’t answers his e-mail,because he wants people to think he was busy working on his poem,I wanted people to think I was busy doing something meaningful too.”
What crucial is
You have to set standards for yourself.When it comes to other people,you can always came up with reasonable explanation,but you can’t fool yourself.
Maybe you just have to live for the small things like
Maybe you just have to live for the small things,like being called pretty,or someone picking up the pen you dropped,or laughing so hard that your stomach hurts.Maybe that’s all that really matters at the end.